Rough Sunday: TBI – Sensory Overload

With traumatic brain injury it is kind of hard to plan a lot of things. Often, you have to do things last minute because you don’t know what is going to pop up or what may happen. One of the things that happens with me, is I have what is called “sensory overload” or “sensory flooding.”

So what is sensory flooding?

It is when the senses are overloaded with data. In my cases, it is from light, sounds, touch, being asked questions, talking, movement, sight and being touched.

Essentially my brain receives more stimulation than it can handle and begins to say “nope” and stops working like it is supposed to. The normal filters no longer exist and don’t work normal like they did previous to the evolution of concussions and then the grade II TBI, all from the abuse from Joe.

The stimulus is the stuff I mention aboved. And even the thoughts I get once I start getting overloaded with the stimulation.

I typically experience one of two kinds of sensory flooding. It is either I am overly exceeded by something I can leave and it is immediately built up. Something like when I go to Walmart and the noise and lights are just too much for me to handle.

Or when the stimulation is something I cannot escape and it just too much for me to handle. Something like a social setting like a wedding or a something that we have been at for more than fifteen minutes and I cannot leave.

If there is a lot of noise, my brain begins to shut down.

If there are a lot of lights, my brain begins to shut down.

If there is a lot people, my brain begins to shut down.

If there are a lot of people asking me questions, my brain goes blank.

If people begin to shake my hand, or touch me, or even get to close to me, my brain shuts down.

I cannot drive at night because the lights, whether it be the lights of the cars or even the street lights begin to shut my brain down.

I cannot be in an area where there is a lot of background noise because my brain cannot process the noise.

A lot of people talking in the background, I cannot think at all.

If there is a lot of movement around me, I cannot think and my brain begins to shut down.

If I am in a social setting and I begin to scan for an exit to escape. If I cannot find one, I literally begin to shut down completely. I have been told I get a blank stare on my face. I have been told that I become lost looking.

In order to not for it to get worse, we have found methods for it not get really bad. If we don’t catch it right away that it is coming on, literally within a minute or two I am shut down completely.

If I am with someone, I usually tell the other person what the problem is so we can leave. It is typically “there is too much noise” or “it is too noisy in here.”

By that point I am starting to panic and am starting to feel like I have to puke. I am starting to feel like I can’t think. If we don’t leave right then, then it only gets worse.

On Sunday, the lights seemed to be really bright and the noise was just too much for me to handle in the grocery store. I didn’t have my ear buds with me and I forgot my sunglasses in the vehicle.

The store had a bunch of little kids in it. There was crying babies. There were sirens outside. There was music on the overhead. There was a lady talking loud on her cell phone. There was an older lady behind us talking very loud. The cashier kept asking me questions. The fluorescents was hurting my eyes. My guy kept asking me about our grocery list. I was very overwhelmed.

I told him that it was too loud in there for me. It was too noisy for me. I don’t think he understood at that point what I meant by it. I started to fade. That is when he started to recognize there is something wrong.

He is trained to recognize the signs.

We got our groceries and went home.

When this happens, I am done. I am exhausted. It literally wipes me out. Then it wipes me out for the next day too. I am beat. It is mentally and physically exhausting.

I end up having nightmares every time the night after this happens. And right on cue, last night I had them all night long. I woke up sick and throwing up. I will be down most of the week now because of this one moment of sensory overload due to TBI.

When it is really bad, it is REALLY FUCKING BAD.

When it is bad, it is still bad.

When it is mild, it is still bad.

There is no such thing as a good day when it comes to sensory overload. The after effect of sensory overload is debilitating.

And then people ask me why I am still pissed and tell me to just get over it.

NO! AS LONG AS JOSEPH MICHAEL DE RISO WALKS FREE I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT! BECAUSE OF HIM, I AM LIKE THIS! BECAUSE OF HIM, I HAVE TO LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS! I LIVE MY LIFE WITH BRAIN INJURY AND WITH DISABILITIES. AS LONG AS HE IS ALIVE,  I WILL MAKE SURE IT IS KNOWN HE IS THE CAUSE OF MY BRAIN INJURY. HE IS THE CAUSE OF MY DISABILITIES! HIS FAMILY CONDONES HIS VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN! HIS FAMILY COVERS FOR HIM! AS LONG AS I AM ALIVE, HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY WITH ANOTHER CRIME OR VIOLENT ATTACK ON ANOTHER FEMALE AGAIN!

NO I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT  SEEING HOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH BRAIN INJURY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! I WILL BE HIS KARMA FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE TO LIFE WITH BRAIN INJURY!

If him, his family, his friends, his supporters, his girlfriend or her friends have an issue with it, they can call 941-218-0051 and tell me how they feel about it! (good luck on blocking your number or using a bounce number.. this isn’t my actual number and it will actually trace your REAL number used if you try to mask your number. IF YOU WANT MY REAL NUMBER, ASK JOE. HE CALLS IT ENOUGH!) But then of course I don’t expect of any of them to call.. they are pussies and punks like him.