How I knew Joe was going to kill me

I knew that my husband was going to try to kill me. He had beat me many times before and it was a matter of time before he would try to end my life. I knew that I would end up just another statistic in the state of Florida and he would get away with it by pulling the “I’m a drug addict” card. I made preparations to leave my home and move into a safe place because things started to escalate beyond what they were already.

There were several indicators that I knew meant my days were numbered. And obviously, he tried to seal my fate. Well, just like everything else in his life he FAILED at it.

Sadly, I am lucky. Every day in the U.S. three women aren’t so lucky. They die as a direct result of domestic violence. If you are reading this and you are in an abusive relationship or know someone who is in an abusive relationship, take that number as something that could save your life and get out while you can. Form a safe leave plan now and go!

I started to recognize signs that I knew were precursors to the worst was yet to come. Call it my “Spidey sense”. Call it tactical training. Call it what you will. I decided with my friend to move out to a safe place where he couldn’t get to me by breaking in. If you think you may be killed, say you will be killed, there is a STRONG possibility that it will happen! TRUST YOUR INTUTITION! I trusted mine. I started deciding when I started seeing the following:

  • I told him that I was moving at the end of the month in July. He lost it and it was like he was losing control over me.
  • He presented extreme jealousy over everything I did. He used to check my browsing history on my computer. He would check my phone logs on my phone account.
  • There was an escalation of the abuse.
  • The abuse occurred in public in front of one of my friends.
  • He made threats to me that he was going to kill me and then kill himself. He told me he had killed several women in New York and gotten away with it. He told me he could kill me and get away with it.
  • He would follow me. Like I said he checked everything I did. He used to hack my phone logs and my computer browsing.
  • He used to tell me that he had access to friends with guns. I found out recently from law enforcement that he attempted to buy a stolen gun shortly after I got a restraining order on him. According to his friend who contacted me a month ago, “C”, she stated he was robbed and she told me what his plans were with the gun. Luckily, he never got the gun or I wouldn’t be here today. I literally threw up on my brand-new laptop when I found out everything. When the cops told me I laughed about it. I thought “it’s just another joke of the criminal justice system.” But when his friend contacted me, I literally threw up because it was real. He was going to shoot me.
  • He has a lengthy history of being mentally unstable and violent against women.
  • He has a lengthy history of using coke, meth and pills. He kept violating the court terms.

He did end up trying to kill me. If you have followed this blog, then you know about that. I have had multiple surgeries and suffer life-long injuries because of him; including to TBI.

After I left him, he stalked me for months. He would tell me who I would call. He would tell me where I was. He would tell me that he wasn’t stalking me, it was more that he was “concerned for his wife.” No, it is stalking and the courts in my county seen it that way too when they gave me a restraining order. They also seen it as a severe danger when they saw all the medical evidence and deemed him a threat to society.

Unfortunately, 75% of the extremely serious injuries occur when victims try to leave and end the abusive relationships. If you are planning on leaving your abusive relationship, please first plan your safe leave plan. Find a trained domestic violence advocate in your area. Arrange for a safe place to stay. Set it up ahead of time. Plan how you will get out. Sometimes you must leave things behind. Take ONLY what is important. Your documents and clothes. Other things can be replaced. YOUR LIFE CAN’T!

Pack extra clothes, birth certificates, passports, social security cards, court documents, health insurance cards, spare keys, money. Plan on putting this at your safe place ahead of time so your abuser will not find it. If you need more items, which you shouldn’t because remember everything else can be replaced, take them over time. However, again, your life is more important than material items.

Remember most importantly, if your life is in imminent danger, call 911 without hesitation.  I wasn’t so lucky. I did survive but only after he tried to kill me.