I was married to a psychopath..literally Part 2

In doing some research for an upcoming business venture to help other women who have been the victims of various types of trauma in their healing process, I found some very interesting things out about the psychological profile of my ex. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. Whether it is a blessing or a lesson, either way it was meant to happen.

My ex, Joseph Micheal De Riso, is a psychopath….literally! He was highly abusive – mentally and physically. He is manipulative. He is calculated and covert in his methods. He knows how to mirror personalities, flatters in a subtle manner, and gives you false appreciation. He knew how to find my vulnerabilities and make me feel like the most important person in the world. He gained this trust and then slowly and methodically chipped away at my own boundaries. Joseph knows how to provoke reactions to his behaviors so he can look innocent while he stays calms and I look frantic and crazy.

My ex, Joseph Michael De Riso, is the APA’s  textbook definition of a psychopath. After doing more research, Joseph does fit the criterion of a textbook definition of a psychopath. This puts me in more fear. Not just for my safety and well-being; however, for his children, his ex-wife, and any female he may come into contact with in the future.

I wanted to share the APA’s definition of what is a psychopath so maybe it can help other women be aware of what lurks out there. Now of course there are women too who fit this criterion. Below I will list the criterion and traits of the APA’s definition of a psychopath and give examples of Joseph Michael De Riso’s behavior patterns. (Mind you the APA doesn’t outright use the term “psychopath” or even “sociopath”; they use the close equivalent term of “antisocial personality disorder”)


Four Main Groups of Personality Traits of a psychopath

  • Antisocial
  • Interpersonal
  • Affective
  • Lifestyle

Antisocial Personality Traits of a psychopath

  • Childhood behavioral disturbances – Joseph Michael De Riso has admitted to drug use and criminal disturbances during childhood
  • delinquency in childhood and/or teen years – Joseph Michael De Riso has admitted to drug use and criminal activity during teen years
  • criminal conduct – Joseph Michael De Riso has been arrested multiple times, spending time incarcerated and on probation for various criminal activities with zero regard to the law or safety of others including driving a tractor trailer while high, multiple DUIs (five to date), drug possession, and domestic violence. He fraudulently opened a bank account in his ex wife’s name so he could get the entire tax return even though he was not living in the house during the year.

Interpersonal Personality Traits of a psychopath

  • inflated notion of self-importance – Joseph Michael De Riso does nothing unless he alone can take the credit for it. He lies to everyone to make himself look important while believing his own lies. He believes the whole world is his stage and we are forced to watch his own production.
  • frequent participation in manipulation or deception – He continuously lies to everyone about everything. He manipulates people into believing he is the constant victim. He manipulated me into thinking his ex-wife is trying to steal his children away from him and lied on every police report she ever made on him about the violence and stalking. He manipulated me into thinking his ex-girlfriend lied on the police report when he violently attacked her and got a restraining order against him.He manipulated me into paying for his child support stating he couldn’t work because his hands hurt too much (yet, he could do side job construction for money with ease). He manipulated me by using my care and compassion into paying for his children’s school supplies and holiday gifts because he said his money was all going away to pay for his ex-wife’s support. He manipulates his parent by deceiving them into believing he is going to be homeless or why he was fired or why his ex wife doesn’t let him see the children. He deceives the court system and the VA programs so he can gain some type of benefits or make him look like an innocent victim. He doesn’t know how to tell the truth.
  • Deeply ingrained pattern of lying – Joseph Michael De Riso has a pattern of lying. He has no clue how to tell the truth and scary enough he believes all his own lies. He lied to the Tampa Police Department stating he was the victim of domestic violence several hours after I had left the house and was far away from him. He lied to his psych doctor at the VA in order to get medications that can produce a false positive on drug screenings. He lies to everyone in order to get benefits that will further make it so he does not have to work or make a on the books income. He lied to the court system in filing for various dealings with his children. He lies about his injuries – he was drunk and decided to take his bike out for a ride, crashing it and then saying I beat him up even though he posted on his social media about the accident admitting it was his own fault. He lied to his employees and me stating he wasn’t getting paid when he was running his own company. He lied to the police and said I stole my own ring in which I have proof of ownership. (yeah, he reported MY ring stolen…how does one steal their own ring)
  • Superficially appealing social life – He frequents bars and establishments where he can come off as above everyone else in the bar. He enjoys the company of others who will make him feel good about himself while lying to them and they inflate his ego.

Affective Personality Traits of a Psychopath

  • Callousness towards others – Joseph Michael De Riso doesn’t have a kind bone in his body unless he has something to gain from it. He loved calling me fat, disgusting; referring to his ex wife as a “lesbian whore; and his ex girlfriend as “crazy bitch.” He tells everyone how disgusting they are….unless he has something to gain from it.
  • limited emotional response – In a normal person’s life, if they are faced with being evicted from their home, they stress. However, not him. He has zero response to normal stressors. However, he snaps at things like not cooking dinner correctly to his liking and using the phone near him because it takes the attention off of him. He does not react to the stress of being late for an appointment that does not involve him and does everything possible to make sure there is stress to everyone else in order to make an appointment on time.
  • deeply ingrained pattern of avoiding personal responsibility – He does not pay child support because he just doesn’t feel like it. He didn’t pay his employees even though he got over $18,000 in a check – which not one bit went to any of the bills. He states all his DUIs are someone else’s fault. He does not own up to any financial responsibilities…everyone else pays his way.
  • Absence of guilt or regret for one’s actions – He states his drug use is because someone else had it. He left me in a parking lot with a drug dealer when I confronted them about selling drugs to him and stated it was my fault because I should have just kept my mouth shut. He states the arrest for drug possession while he was driving high in a big semi was because the cop took his medication out of the bottle. He will never admit to any of his wrong doings because he is a professional victim. He states the last DUI was my fault because I didn’t want to eat breakfast at Denny’s because the bathroom looked like a murder scene.

Lifestyle traits of a psychopath

  • Frequent impulsive behavior – Joseph Michael De Riso does not have a rational bone in his body. His impulsive behaviors are more often than not. His promiscuous sexual lifestyle is a key example of this. While married to him, he would on a whim pick up drug induced prostitutes to have sex and do drugs with them (when I found out, I was tested and stopped having sexual relations with him). He lacks the ability to plan anything. As well, he lacks self-control. An example of this was at his last job where he used meth with one of his supervisors because it was there. While at a bar, he was offered cocaine by another person and did it in the bathroom knowing how I have a ZERO tolerance for drugs. He stalks people after they made him angry without the regard for their safety or well-being.
  • recurring pursuit of highly stimulating experiences – Whether it be doing 90 on his motorcycle while doing a wheelie past a cop knowing he wont be pulled over (we have a no pull over policy in our area for this type of behavior), or getting so high he doesn’t sleep for days. Either way, his entire day and night exists of highly stimulating experiences.
  • frequent reliance on others for financial support or material support – Joseph Michael De Riso does not pay his own bills. For the last year plus, I paid every bill in the house. His parents send him in the upwards of $500-600 a week to support him and his habits because he does not feel he should have to pay for anything. His child support has never been paid by him. His children’s school supplies were never paid by him. His children’s holiday gifts were never paid by him. When he has money, it is his money. However, when everyone else has money, it is his money too. He lied to department of children and family services to get benefits because he feels he deserves it. He lies to the VA to get benefits because he feels he deserves it.

Violence/Preditory

  • Violence – Every female Joseph Michael De Riso has been in a relationship with has claimed at one point or another some type of violence from him towards them. His ex wife has made police reports stating the violence and stalking behaviors. His ex girlfriend, he hit and beat up. Me, he used my head as something to bounce off the wall, punch and elbow.
  • Lack of remorse for actions – He feels it is always his victim’s fault for the actions. He feels it is their fault he had to beat them to make sure they knew who was in control.
  • Control – He has to have control of everything or he loses it and this is where the violence comes into play. If things do not go exactly as he wishes it to be, then who ever the person is that did not conform to his ways will be the target of his attack. During the relationship, I was not allowed to have contact with any of my friends. He would frequently go into my social media accounts and phone logs to see who I was talking to or what I was talking about. During business trips, he would snap if I didn’t answer right away regardless of what I was doing at the moment.
  • Predatory – Joseph Michael De Riso stalked me and is stalking me currently. He goes into my emails. He goes into my phone logs. He goes into my social media accounts. He contacts my children, my friends and family. He lets the world know that (he thinks) I am his property and no one else is allowed to be around me.

Luckily enough for me, I am away from the situation or I would end up a statistic of death from domestic violence. These personality traits are shared with the likes of Ted Bundy and Jeffery Dahmer. Scary to know I was literally married to a psychopath. Through education and knowledge, I will not be a victim again and hope that others will know how to recognize the warning flags.

(you can click on the links within the text above to read more about the APA’s definition of a psychopath.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s